The problem is that I do want them, not just whenever MS wants to serve them to me. Since I reloaded I've been getting updates notices virtually every single day.
I just want the system to check once a month. See, that's the problem. You either let Windows do it's thing and install automatically, or you get notifications whenever there is an update. Either that, or you turn it off.
These, what I call, "generic patriarchal" choices have been the hallmark of MS since its inception. I have to admit that in many ways, MS has gotten better, though.